How to Sound Canadian
By Craven Moorehead
Being able to tell who is Canadian and who is American is perhaps one of the hardest LJ-related
tasks for the simple reason that Canadians and Americans sound exactly the same. There are only
very subtle differences in what we call a handful of things. Otherwise, if you're American and trying
to sound Canadian, just be yourself.
The most noticeable difference is that we say "pop" instead of "soda" and "chocolate bar" instead of
"candy bar." The standard Canadian way is to add a "u" to a lot of words, like glamour, colour,
labour, etc., but many Canadians don't do this, so while it would be a nice touch, it's not mandatory.
What you do have to remember is the grammatical rule that R's are scared to appear at the end of
words. We say centre, theatre and metre instead of center, theater and meter. When I was learning
HTML, that was a big ostable because I kept typing "centre" in the tag instead of "center."
Our currency is the dollar and mirrors the US money system in every way (penny, nickel, dime, quarter)
except that our dollar is valued lower than the US one, so the exchange rate on us is killer and we
always make jokes about it.
Our $1 is a coin that we call the "loonie," named as such because it has a picture of a loon on it.
We also have a $2 coin called the "toonie," because we're clever like that. Then there's a five
dollar bill, 10 dollar bill, 20, 50 and so on.
We do not get MTV here. We have a Canadian music station called MuchMusic. The only place your celebrity
would ever have seen MTV is in visits to America. The only Canadians I'm
aware of that get MTV are ones with satellite dishes who are illegally getting American programming.
The capital city of Canada is Ottawa, not Toronto, and we have 10 provinces and three territories -
British Columbia, Alberta, Saskatchewan, Manitoba, Ontario, Quebec, Nova Scotia, Newfoundland and
Labrador (which most just call "Newfoundland"), Prince Edward Island and New Brunswich, along with
the territories, which are Yukon, Northwest Territories and Nunavut. The territories are very, very
northern and your celebrity will probably never be within spitting distance of them. Many Americans
think the capital of Canada is Toronto, but no. Toronto is the largest city in the county and is, in
fact, the capital of the province of Ontario. We do not have a president, but a prime minister, and our
prime minister is currently Jean Chretien. We do not have Democrats and Republicans. Instead, we have
the Liberals (left wing), the Canadian Alliance (right wing), the Progressive Conversatives (right wing)
and the New Democratic Party (NDP, left wing). Our current prime minister is a Liberal.
Many movies are filmed in Canada now and it's really pissing off a lot of the Americans who want
to keep the money in Hollywood. (Poor, desolate, economically-challenged Hollywood.) A majority of
them are filmed in Toronto, and the second most popular cities for film crews are Vancouver, British
Columbia and Montreal, Quebec. I believe the reason for so many film crews coming to Canada is
because the exchange rate makes it cheaper, our city councils loosen up the rules for them to lure
them here and because Toronto in particular has many different faces and looks to it and can be made
to look like any city in the world. Toronto also has an annual film festival, I believe in early September, that draws a lot of
celebrities.
Canada is bilingual (in other words, there are two official languages - English and French) but the only
place in Canada where you'll encounter a lot of French is in Quebec. Montreal is a French city but everyone
who lives there knows English. They are more than capable of communicating with you in English but sometimes
they'll be rude about it because the anglophone/francophone barrier goes back a long way in this country, and
some factions of both populations are bitter about each other.
Our statutory holidays are different from America. Aside from the obvious Easter, Christmas and
New Year's, we also have Victoria Day in May, Canada Day on July 1 (not Independence Day) and Civic Holiday
in August. Our Thanksgiving is the second weekend in October. The day after Christmas, December 26, is also a stat holiday here called Boxing Day. England has
this as well.
The big place where wannabe-Canadians drop the ball is not in phrases or places, but in the lack of ability to spot other Canadians.
Our culture is tight-knit. While we'd still have a hard time recognizing our own actors on the street,
our music scene is different. Just as you wouldn't try to sound like you're from England without knowing who
Blur or the Manic Street Preachers are, you wouldn't try to sound Canadian unless you're aware of the existence
of The Tragically Hip, Matthew Good Band, The Headstones, Moist, David Usher, Amanda Marshall, Our Lady Peace, Bif
Naked
or I Mother Earth. Take a look at the playlists of some Canadian rock radio stations online, such as 102.1 The Edge
in Toronto, if you want to become well versed on the names of some Canadian bands. One of the reasons why we
hear these bands so often is because Canadian radio stations have to follow a Canadian content rule. By law,
30 per cent of what you hear on the radio has to be from a Canadian artist. Therefore, there is just no way
that you wouldn't know who these people are.
The other place where wanna-be Canadian drop the ball is "eh?" Yes, we do say "eh," and I have never, ever seen an
American do it right in a journal. "Eh" is always tacked onto the end of a sentence with a question mark, and it has
one or two meanings.
"Eh" meaning #1:
"So, you're going to the store, eh?"
This is the "verification" method of eh. In other words, if you want to check and make sure that person is going
to the store, the eh serves that purpose. Basically, it means that you're looking for more information. It's a
question. "You want me to go over there, eh?" "So I have to get recommended, eh?" If you were to say that to me, a
Canadian, I would respond with "yes, you do, and here's how to do it..."
"Eh" meaning #2:
"Yeah, no kidding, eh?"
This is the "agreement" method of eh. I can't think of any other words it could be tacked onto, but this is probably
one of the only examples you'll ever need. In other words, you're saying "yeah, I know what you mean," and the "eh"
serves as kind of a verifier that you get it, and you're shooting it right back at them. Eh can also be in the
middle of a sentence, i.e. "so I'm in the store, eh? And this guy says to me." This is only spoken, though. I've
never seen it written like that.
Cases I've seen of "eh" being used incorrectly:
"Let me into the chat, eh?"
Eh does not belong at the end of that sentence, because "let me into the chat" is not a question and you are not
agreeing with me. It's just a misplaced eh. Basically, if you're not sure, stay away from it. No one will notice
if you don't use it, but will notice right away if you use it incorrectly. A more correct way to word this would have been
"so there's a chat, eh?" That's a question, you're looking for a response, and the appropriate response would be "yeah, you want an invite?"
The stereotype of us loving hockey is absolutely true. Not every Canadian follows hockey - I know I don't - but it is
a source of national pride. We are also proud of the fact that our beer is stronger than America's.
Common vices: Molson Canadian and Labatt's Blue for beer, although we also get most of the American
brands. We call whisky "rye." Common cigarette brands are Player's (Light, Extra Light, Ultra Light, etc.)
and duMaurier (Light, Extra Light, Ultra Light, etc.)
Good Canadian journals to read: Amanda Marshall,
Hugh Dillon, Sarah
Polley, Callum
Keith Rennie.
